Thanksgiving and the holidays always make me reflective on years past and moving forward. Now entering my 30s I can be a little bit more reflective on my childhood and maybe even make some objective observations- but so as not to be overtly impressive to you, the reader with my stunning intellect and maturity- I will make sure to pepper in some 'sentence enhancers' and an inappropriate, ill timed/mannered joke.
When looking to how I raise my kids- my mother was no doubt formative to several of my strengths and my traits. I am more like my mother than any person on this planet. People would always compare me to my mother as I look like her- and can often times (sometimes to our detriment) act like her. But alas- something that may not be as obvious to the untrained eye- is the molding that is compliments of my father.
To the public, my father is a quiet, unassuming figure. He is mild mannered, quiet, kind, caring, and giving. His coworkers know him as responsible, hard working, the helping and trained hand, as well as someone who is undoubtedly upbeat with a sly witty sense of humor. My father is a hard man to know. He is far better known by his actions then by his statements. Even to his children, he is by most measures an enigma. I know little about his side of the family and less about his childhood and the things that made him the man he is. I can only assume his thoughts by his actions and may only make inferences about his intensions... from this though- i have taken several lessons:
*Learn more, do more, see more- explore. My fathers strengths have never been in being a mechanic, a plumber, electrician, or handyman. For his lack of talents in his abilities to fix things- he had long since made up for in his intellectual capacities. As far back as I can remember- we were encouraged to participate in science camps, boy scouts, sports, and every other imaginable activity that is humanly imaginable. We went camping, hiking, identifying leaves, picking out constellations, reading maps, learning how things grow, and the world moves. We learned about history, science, architecture, and nature. My bed time stories were stories made about black holes, evolution, the human condition, and betterment of society and had characters with the names of Copernicus, Plato, Kepler, Einstein, Bell, among others. Some kids heard stories from Dr. Seuss and Shell Silverstein, and while I had those too, the stories I truly loved came from books with writers by the names of Hawking, and Sagan.
*Happiness does not equal money- My family is from a working class neighborhood in Upper Darby. We would never be defined as being wealthy and indeed there were times after a car accident that had nearly paralyzed my father that even maintaining electric was a challenge. My father frequently kept 2 jobs to pay the bills always forgoing his comforts for those of his family. He was always one who downplayed his own needs so that others could get not only their needs met but also their wants. To this day I do not know where he would get the energy to work a 60-70 hour week- take all 3 of his kids to activities on every day of the week and still have energy to go camping or take the family somewhere we had never seen before. I am mesmerized by the determination my father always endured standing in rain storms, sleeping in snow, waking up early, going to bed late, creating, teaching, coaching his kids and other kids with the only expected reward being that his kids got to learn and experience something new. We learned that walks in the park could earn just as much fun as any other kids trip to Disney World. We learned that togetherness was what made us strong. It was the time that we spent together that made the long hours worth it to him. In 4th grade- my father had realized that I had taken an interest in space. I had written NASA and had them send me a bunch of materials. My father who had never been to Florida, Kennedy Space Center, or pretty much anywhere outside of the North East- put together enough money to send me to Space Camp outside of Orlando Florida- so that even though he had never gotten to see Kennedy Space Center- his son would get to see a space shuttle launch. This is one of many times where he would sacrifice his wants so that his children could broaden their horizons and be more.
*Take care of those who can't- Weather it be with people or animals- it was always ingrained in our family that no matter how bad we had it- someone else always had it worse and it was our responsibility to help others out through community service. We spent days on the side of roads picking up trash, doing projects to refurbish parks, providing information to those in parks, visiting the elderly, donating toys and food to those in need. My father, after observing a particularly callous statement made by a child version of yours truly- about 'why people bother to take care of disabled people' made a statement that would provide true guidance to me throughout my life- A famous quote of whom I do not know to attribute ( I will leave that to better minds than myself) 'The measure of civilization is how it treats its weakest members'. It was without question that we would take in the strays and adopt for the ASAP. Many a rescued bird, cat, dog, and even a possum made its way through our doors.
*Work hard, show up early, stay late, be the worker you would want to hire for your buisness- My father always fulfilled the promise to spend time with his family. Although we were never at want for our fathers time and attention- he worked hard and expected that we do the same in whatever we did. You didn't have to do one activity over another but you better keep yourself busy and dedicate yourself to it. My father emphasized a commitment to ones work as it was the outward display of ourselves. We regularly did extracredit projects for school and did reports even when they weren't needed. Frequently my father would reuire a project on a subject that interested us. If it wasn't neat, accurate, or interesting- we were required to do it over again.
*Don't be a bully but stand up for what you believe in- We were raised to treat all those who we would meet equally. We were informed that people came in different shapes, sizes, colors, and beliefs but when it came down to it we were all made of the same stuff. My dad emphasized that our strength came from our diversity and our ability to come together for a common cause. My father taught me it was never acceptable to take advantage of someone else but to standup for what you believe in... This lesson was never more apparent than in second grade when i proclaimed that humans had 'evolved from monkeys'--- 2nd graders can be an unforgiving bunch. :)
*Be you--- My father never frowned on my expression of self. For as long as I can remember I have been loud, liked being the center of attention, and (imagine this) could be considered 'abrasive' to others with a somewhat dry sense of humor. Despite my best efforts to be embarrassing- my father was never ashamed of who I was. Even coming home at 16 on a Saturday night from the midnight showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show- wearing little more than fishnets and a corset- all's my father could do is laugh and stated that i must have gotten my legs from my mother. My music, and interests were always my own even when they differed (at times substantially) from his own.
*Laugh- my sense of humor undoubtedly comes from a steady diet of my fathers unrelenting presentations of Monty Python, Black Adder, Mel Brooks movies, with a panache of classic Saturday Night Live. Undoubtedly- any topic from the Spanish inquisition to lord helmet could be made a laughing subject.
Certainly the measure of my fathers influence is far greater than what I can fit into a few paragraphs. Maybe it goes without saying that at times in my life that I was less than appreciative. Hell, my teens were mainly measured by how many times I could get my dad pissed off. Now that I am the mature man-child that you see before you- I can appreciate the world that my father opened up for me. My fathers value to me will be forever measured by my daily life and now- what I pass on to my children. I like to think that I wake up in the morning- show up at work and am thought as dependable- I work to improve the lives of those that I don't know, hoping that those whom I interact with will have a better tomorrow. I get home to take my kids on nature walks, softball practice, and learning about a world that was here before us. At dinner I talk to my kids about the importance of hard work and how to help others. At night I read my son stories about distant worlds and the importance of making tomorrow better. At night I lay down with my wife and kids and watch an episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I don't know if I will ever be as good of a man as my father is but I thank him for giving me the chance to try.
ps: you would never know--- but my father- is a horrible speller :)
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